Crazy past few weeks

So I know my posts haven't been exactly riveting lately, but there have been many things, not all good unfortunately, happening in my life.

Since graduation my cat has died :-(, and my car has been out of commission for three whole weeks. I've also started a new job, which I'm loving so far. But overall it has been difficult to get much reading or writing done, though I have tried.

The writing group is going well, we've been meeting every other Friday, but I am experiencing some dilemmas that I hadn't anticipated.

Some of my group have extremely personal tastes when it comes to descriptive writing--now, don't get me wrong, I love descriptive writing, but it is very difficult to maintain a good balance. One or two members of my group seem to feel that the more descriptive their writing is the better, but some of their scenes are, well, burdened by description. This coming up Friday I mean to talk to one of them and explain how quality is better than quantity when it comes to analogies and metaphors, but at the same time, I feel like they might not take this advice to heart simply from how they have reacted throughout our meetings. For them more is always better, but I can't help but feel the opposite.

How do you manage your overly descriptive passages? Do you pick and choose the best after it has been written, or do you prefer to have an abundance of description?

And would there be a better way for me to express my concern to my group members?

Thanks for reading!

Things to be excited about...

So...I will not apologize for being a neglectful blogger, just because it will make me feel worse about it than I already do. Instead I will share good news and pictures of things that I'm excited about.

I start my new job on Monday, which is a wonderful but also terrifying thing.

Also, I got a fancy new printer as a graduation present...for, of course, all my writerly things. (It does Duplex printing :-P)

And also, the Tuesday after this upcoming Tuesday I will be going to see Neil Gaiman and Lev Grossman in NYC. Something I have not allowed myself to get excited about until recently because I was not certain I would make it. But now I have a ticket. Yipee!

I really have also been looking for an excuse to learn how to post pictures on here, and now I know how. 

On a more writerly note: the story I am working on right now is going well. My sci-fi short story got rejected almost instantly by Lightspeed Magazine, but that's alright, and I am still dutifully awaiting a response from the first magazine I submitted to, Weird Tales. I shall continue to do my best to not lose my mind waiting, though I should hear back from them any day now.

I hope you are well, and have as many little things to be excited about as I do. And I'll try to post more often, maybe even with some more "serious" / academic things to say, though probably not considering my brain has been on vacation since graduation. :-)

Getting Back Into It

I've been a bad little writer...and no, not in naughty way, but in the completely neglecting to write way. For the past few weeks my life's been thrown completely off-track, mainly because I'm done with school but haven't yet begun to work. Because of these two big reasons, and countless tiny ones, I have no structure in my day and my brain has decided to abandon me in La La Land for a few days.

The fact that I might actually finish and post this blog post is an indication that it may have returned. I also woke up this morning ready to write.

A main reason for why I haven't been writing lately is because the amount of research that I need to do in order to continue my WIP is extensive and therefore very intimidating. I've now submitted two short stories to magazines so I don't even want to look at those for fear that I'll find some glaring mistake and I'll hate myself (there really better be none)! But now I have a plan. I will work on a new story while I wait for the impending rejections of the other two and work on the research for the big story.

Though I've been a very bad writer the last two or so weeks I'm not upset with myself--as long as it doesn't turn into a summer long thing. I gave myself a break and now I'm back!

Because the world did not end today....

So I didn't really buy into the whole world will end thing today thing, I feel like hoaxes like that are started and spread by people who really just like drama, not the singing and costumes one but the one caused by boredom and lack of self esteem.

Anyway! I lost my submission virginity today. Just a few minutes ago I sent in a short story to Weird Tales magazine...and no it was not because the world did not end, but it is a nice correlation, don't you think?

So yeah, if you pray, pray for me? If not, then just send loving thoughts into the air to the Weird Tales Staff so they feel warm and fuzzy feelings when they read my story...well actually...those are not the emotions they should be feeling, but you get my drift!

Aah! So excited!

"It's part of my process"

Panicking. Complaining loudly to anyone within ear shot. It has happened exactly three times today, so far anyway. This morning I wanted to work on some of the comments my writing group made on my only almost complete story and did not know how to begin, but, after grunting in frustration and stomping around the room and sending a few complain-y texts to one of my friends in the group I managed to make the additions I’d been meaning to.

Later on, while studying I went off on a rant with the friend who was studying with me and again complained and sighed and was oh so dramatic about it for a few minutes, and then sat down and got it done.

The same thing happened in terms of this post. I do my very best to post at least every Sunday, but this morning I told myself that I had too much to do and if I was going to devote time to my story I would have to sacrifice time for my blog. 

Is it an innate rebellion, where if I tell myself I don’t have time to do something I make time for it? Or is that once the added pressures are gone I feel more capable of accomplishing what needs to be accomplished?

I find this works even better with my writing: "Okay you just have to write this scene, or just 2,000 words today." It’s situations like this where I go beyond beyond what I expect from myself.

Do any of you experience this? Do you make deals with yourself, allow yourself to slack off only to surpass your daily quota?

Follow Up

Originally I had planned on not posting this week, just from the sheer amount of work I have to do, and because three lit analysis papers won't write themselves--damn them!

As I was poking around the interwebz, as one is wont to do while procrastinating, I came across this quote by Stephen King:

Stephen King in The Atlantic:

The thing that happens is, say you're working on something and it's going along pretty well, and two or three ideas occur, and they're all yelling "You should write this! You should write this!" It's almost like being married and all of a sudden your life is full of beautiful women. You have to stay faithful to what you're working on.

Two weeks ago I posted one of my angsty little rants about writing, called Overwhelmed, that was about what King describes here. I'm rewriting/revising my WIP and all these wonderful ideas just burst into my head and scream "I'm here" and usually don't leave. A few nights ago I actually got out of bed to write one page worth of notes on an idea because it would not let me fall asleep.

Now I can't say that I've been keeping faithful to my manuscript, but I'm trying and I keep in mind that I should.

Just thought I'd share this, and it especially makes me feel better knowing this is quite common, and the fact that Stephen King deals with the same issues makes me feel slightly cooler...don't ask me how that works.
Thanks for reading!

Good artists borrow, great artists steal.

I went through a bit of a progress last semester in coming terms with this wonderful idea, (which, I'm pretty sure, is originally Picasso's). I was in a Medieval Lit class titled Heroes and Warriors, which ended up being pretty disappointing as I’d had very high expectations for that class and I soon learned that they were higher than the professor’s. 

Well, one of the books assigned for that class was the Nibelungenlied and as I got farther into the book I begun to see details which I’d always thought of as being completely original to, first the Lord of the Rings, and then later the deathly hallows from Harry Potter, which I now know are also in Chaucer’s Pardoner’s Tale. 

Anyway, (I realize this is not very organized, I blame approaching finals), I was upset that these authors who I had looked up to for so long had stolen! from other writers. I could even go as far as to call this few week period a spiritual crisis concerning writing. I questioned my own desire to write, and felt that if it meant stealing and not being able to come up with something completely original, (I keep hearing this is not possible), then I did not want to write. Well, long story short, I finished reading the book and by the end the details that had been borrowed were minimal and I realized I had overreacted, though at the time I'd felt completely justified. 

To recap, I used to feel that writers stole from previous works. I begun to understand the sources of the works I love and felt cheated in response. The more I write myself the more I realize that it doesn't work that way. That the borrowing—the stealing—is not purposeful. Could even argue it’s not always conscious. As those of you who follow my posts know, my WIP is a fantasy novel in which dreaming is a big theme. I completely blame my Dream as Form lit class last semester. But anyway, turns out I myself am a thief. 

I am re-reading Chaucer’s Book of the Duchess and there are tiny details that I borrowed. I had purposefully borrowed an image from it, but it worked more as the inspiration. When I asked my independent study (and Chaucer) professor about it she hadn't realized what I had intended to be from the Book of the Duchess was actually from there. Two weeks later, I rushed back into her office to tell her I’d read the Book of the Duchess and she wore a knowing smile, she’d been waiting for me to come back and finish the “stealing” rant I’d had with her earlier this semester. 

Turns out that I had stolen a setting, completely and subconsciously. I didn't mean to, but I guess I just thought "well of course that’s where this specific mythical figure lives," and had assumed that it was an inherent part of my story (I was close to the end, so it was really all I thought about during those three weeks) and not that I had read it somewhere else. It's not extremely obvious, and they really are minor details that I borrowed, so no harm no foul, but this personal experience made me see the truth of this idea, and how truly wonderful it can be when it comes out right. 

I realize this was an extra ranty post, and I apologize, I promise to have more brains before my next post :-). 

Did anyone else have to come to terms with the magpie nature of writing or had you accepted this before you begun?

Overwhelmed

So there is a lot going on in my life right now, which is why I've been rather neglectful of this blog. But I'm trying. Graduation is right around the corner (exactly one month), and there is just too much left for me to do before the date comes rushing up at me and then I'm left in the uncertainty that will no-doubt come after.

My writing, unfortunately, is taking the fall for this, mainly because it's one of the few things that can be put on the back burner for now. But it saddens me. I want writing to be a priority but it just can't right now. I just keep telling myself that in one month I'll be able to make more time for it--and that I'll be able to read whatever I want, which I haven't done since Christmas break.

But the few days I have been able to work on my writing I have worked on rewriting my WIP, and I realize that if I had spent more time planning things out the first time around I wouldn't have to spend all this time now, organizing the pieces of my story. Even that makes me feel slightly guilty though. I spend so much time working on the second draft, that I'm ignoring all these other stories that are waiting to be developed. I have two larger ideas that I'm slowly expanding, and then about six or seven short story ideas, but my obsessive compulsive nature demands that I finish what I'm working on before I can move on to the next project.

How do you deal with multiple projects? Do you feel the need to finish what you're working on, even if it means sacrificing other unique ideas, that could be potentially better stories than what you are working on now? Or do you split your time between rewrites and new projects?

Game of Thrones

If you plan on reading the books or watching the show any time soon I warn you that the following little rant contains spoilers.

Although I am writing my response to this article  a little bit after the general hubbub has died down, I have a reason. I wanted to wait to see the first episode myself. The article specifically said that not only were George R. R. Martin's books 'boyfiction', a term I might not even have been aware of before I read it, but that there is sex in the HBO show simply to target female audiences, because that is the only reason they would watch.

If you have read the books I will let this statement sink in.

First off, there is just as much sex in the books as in the first episode, only difference is that the episode condenses chapters into minutes, and therefore having the naughty parts pile up into the second half of the episode. But the writer's statement simply proves that she hasn't read the books.

Also, the three sex scenes in the one hour episode, I feel, are aimed more at men than at women, which also contradict's the article's point. It's either doggy-style or a whore-house scene. And while that is pretty accurate in terms of the book, I'd imagine the scene between Jamie and Cersei differently, simply because they do care about each other.

And lastly, if the sex was included to appeal to female viewers than why are no men naked? Ahem...I mean, if these scenes were targeted at women there would have been an equal ratio of nudity--I think anyway.

Overall it is apparent that the writer of the article did not read the books, and that what she described was her personal reaction to the show, which is fine, but in that case she should not have made it an issue of gender. The vast majority of people who enjoy Martin's books and others like them are women. HBO shows such as True Blood and Mad Men are also greatly enjoyed by women. The writer of this article should have done some form of research before making the claims she did, instead of stating her opinion and hiding behind her sex.

__

On a slightly off note, for anyone who has read the books and seen last night's episode. Aren't the cold ones supposed to be slow, mindless creatures (ie. zombies), not dashing through the woods purposefully like vampires or werewolves? I hope they don't take that into a whole different direction from how they are in the books.

Anyway, Thanks for reading!

Eureka!!!

I never thought I'd say that word, much less write it, and even less as a post title, but there you have it! I am extremely frustrated by my ability to express my extreme levels of excitement and happiness on here so...Eureka!! Woo Hoo!!! I know what kind of story my novel will be. I have finished masticating the mediocrity of my draft zero, and today I discussed its entirety with my independent study professor.

Two hours or so of me rambling about what I was going to change and discussing what should be changed and trying to figure out how to do it. It ended with me telling her the background story, the behind the scenes of the explicit plot and she pointed out something that I guess I already knew but never actually acknowledged: I'm trying to tell two stories from a very narrow perspective. And so I left our discussion with two incredibly different options for how to tell my story: a first person narration in the form of a travel journal, or a third person omniscient perspective....yes, I know--quite different.

Now, I may very well have gone temporarily insane, in which case I will regret writing this post, but I just had to share!! I have decided to do both! Yup...frame narrative to be precise, and I know it is probably way above my ability as a writer but heck, I say fuck it! I will try. And considering I have been thinking about this manuscript as my practice/will probably never get published manuscript what have I got to lose? (Well besides a lot of time and energy, but sh!)

The best part about this eureka moment is that it has completely refueled my love for this story because, as I said earlier, I was only telling half of the story, and now I'm allowing myself to tell the bigger, behind-the-scenes, funner stuff! Oh boy oh boy!

I felt that I had to record this moment for all those other times in my life that I forget why I want to write, because of this feeling right now. When, even though I know I have incredible amounts of work ahead and don't even know how/if I'll accomplish what I want, I am so excited and happy about the prospect of writing something for no reason other than I get to tell myself a story...even in this case, when I've already told myself one a large part of it.

Writing Group

So I am about to embark on yet a new writing adventure...but then again I only really started Writing quite recently, so anything to do with the subject is proving to be an adventure.

So--my wonderful professor/aforementioned 'mentor' has gotten in touch with a group of her students who, as she put it, are working toward future publication. Naturally I'm very excited. I was driven to start this blog by the sheer necessity to ramble about all things writing and the lack of people in my life whose interest in it equal mine. But besides being extremely happy and excited and feeling incapable of waiting to actually start meeting, I am also terrified.

I'm not a good writer, not even close, but I have stories--and they demand to be told! (I've been tempted to write that last part on big poster board and hang it over my bed, or to get it printed on a t-shirt).

For too long I've been too scared to actually write things down--letting the stories play out in my head and eventually wither and die because they never saw the light. But I'm now determined to write them down, even if it's just a seed of a sentence that never manages to germinate, I will at least give it the opportunity.

As terrified as I am of relinquishing my hold on my stories and allowing strangers, for now anyway, to read and critique them, I am so ready. Because I know that this is just a small way to allow myself the opportunity to grow as a writer.

Are any of you in writing groups? Do you have any stories/advice from your experience in one?

When we Meet Again

It's impossible to not feel close to one's characters when writing them. When writing their story. They react as you create or destroy the world around them, and because of that you feel what they feel, even when it is not how you would react.

I've gotten to a very sentimental section in revising my first draft, and I'm sorry to say that I don't relate to my characters and their reactions nearly as much as I did when I was writing this set of scenes. I distinctly remember my own emotional response then, but now--I've crossed out most of it! I've even made a note in my notebook that says "less crying."

But I wonder, does it have more to do with the distance that's created in reading something slowly? I'm partly editing as I go along, and therefore spend close to ten minutes on certain pages. Or is it simply because I'm now more objective, and realize that my characters are a bit wimpy in this section, and completely in contrast with the kinds of characters I want them to be/become?

Has anyone encountered a similar problem? Do you raise your brow at a certain character's response and wonder what, exactly, you were thinking at the time?

Do Not Read Until March 28th >:-/

...is what I wrote on a purple post-it two weeks ago. A post-it which I then placed over the title of a  new story I had just finished. This is part of a writing regimen I'm trying to create for myself in which, instead of attacking a new work with my red pen as soon as it is done, I force myself to put it away for a while and return to the story with fresh eyes.

I'd almost made it too--but succumbed to my urges four days ahead of schedule. The first time I forced myself to do this it worked just fine. The larger project I'm currently editing/re-writing/hiding from, because the writing sometimes makes me embarrassed for myself, waited six weeks to be looked at again. But this tiny one just could not wait. It called to me, and I ignored the "serious face" I'd drawn on the post-it, deftly ripping it off so I did not have to see it glower at me for trespassing. 

I'm an impatient person in general, but part of me felt guilty for breaking a rule concerning my own writing that I'm trying to establish. 

Do you revise a work as soon as it's completed or do you ignore the urge to revise right away? And if you do, how long do you usually give yourself before you go back to it? 

Short Story Rant

So I now believe it was a mistake reading Neil Gaiman's Snow, Glass, Apples last night at around 11:30. Not because I was too scared to go to sleep but because never--NEVER have I felt like such a monster for liking a story this much! I was still grinning like an idiot lunatic (because only lunatics and writers gain happiness from some of the events in that story) an hour later when I climbed into bed.

There is nothing more I want right now than to go back in time and kidnap Stephanie Meyer before she wrote he r books, tie to a chair and read this story to her (maybe smack her once or twice with a xeroxed version) so she learns what a vampire is supposed to be. Beautiful--yes. Glittery? NO!

I had to resist to read this story over again as soon as I'd finished it and to count how many times he uses the words glass, snow and apples in that veritable fairy tale masterpiece!!!

Editing

...it seems I'll be repetitive in my posts early on, but editing is an important part of my life right now--a turning point really. To recap: I've never really edited my own work before, mainly because I hadn't written anything which I considered worth the time and effort to edit.

While clicking around on twitter recently I saw an article that discussed getting over "the editing blues." I remember some of what the article said but I was surprised, and a little disappointed, to find that most of the advice there was based on procrastination, on doing things in between editing to make yourself feel better about it.

Start a new project, was one of the main points. But what if your life has become one in which you have a few projects floating around, waiting to be edited!? What then? Just keep writing in hopes that you'll get tired of that and then want to edit? I know, I know--I'm being facetious. But I'm starting to understand those people that ask: doesn't analyzing what you read ruin the story? Isn't it more difficult to look past the writing and get lost in it?

Well, yes! It is! Especially when it's your own story, because writing is even more enjoyable than reading in that you literally (ha-ha) get lost in the story, it takes you with it as it goes on. But going back to it....eek! That's how I feel about my own 'pride and joy' right now. But I guess that's a good thing--because I can tell my writing has improved dramatically within one project, which is, hey--great! But it just makes it that much more difficult to get through it without getting bogged down with each and every sentence.

Anyone, out there, have a magical cure for the editing blues that is, well, efficient?

Wastefulness

This'll be off-topic, but short. I just need to share my views on wastefulness. It's everywhere and it usually arises in situations where the person means well. 

I was out to dinner with a friend tonight and ordered an iced-tea. Now, I know she meant well, and I am not against free re-fills, the waitress came and took my glass even before I was half way done with it and replaced it with a new one. She poured the other one out and threw out the straw. She also did the same with my friend's drink. And it's not like I got very far in the new glass either, one glass would have suited me fine.

I know it's silly to get worked up over something this small, but I can't help feeling that this is a negative trend and that I see it becoming the norm, even in a world where there are voices against this type of behavior. Or maybe it's always been this way and I'm just finding it harder to ignore....

On Reading

So it seems to me it is fashionable to discuss what one is reading nowadays. And being an avid reader, I think I too will share. Because sharing is caring; and I care about reading.

First off, I would like to express my distaste and then my slight distaste for two books, then I'll move on to the good ones.

Boris Godunov, by Pushkin was promised to be a masterpiece...and many other wonderful things. Well I found that it is not. It could be because of the translator, because, being bilingual myself, I understand how something can be utterly delicious in one language and well, not, in another. Overall I found it boring, confusing, and not really worth my time.

The book I feel slight distaste for is Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott. Now, [side note] I have always been "bad" at not liking books, it seems that my innate pleasure of reading tends to color anything I read, regardless of how bad it is. This is not one of those books. I usually love descriptive writing, and the content of this book is right up my alley: Robin Hood, knights and many other great things, but as much as I love the original stories and legends this book really needed an editor! A bit like my blog, this book tends to go on tangents and not get to the actual story fast enough, furthermore, it brushes over the good characters and focuses on, in my opinion anyway, the boring characters.

Now the rest of the books are great and they are from the two classes that I enjoy the most this semester, the first one being a Russian Lit class, called Dostoevsky and the West, which tends to be more philosophical than anything else--which is why I'm taking the class in the first place. And the second is an independent study with my aforementioned "Mentor" (who doesn't know they get called that), where we discuss writing within the Fantasy genre.

Totem and Taboo by Sigmund Freud: This book inspired a short story, and what will hopefully be a novel-length work, two things that I'm presently working on, or trying to when I get the time, anyway.
The Rebel by Albert Camus.
Notes From the Underground by Dostoevsky.
No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre: This is a one act play of psychological warfare and overall amazingness....hint: it's set in hell.

From the second class we have:
On Writing by Stephen King. One of the reasons I'm looking forward to graduating is to have time to re-read this book, even though I just finished it less than three weeks ago.
The Secret History of Fantasy by Peter S. Beagle. If you like short stories, and you like Fantasy, read this. Now.

So. Ahem-ahem. I know no one really reads this (yet?), but if on the off-chance someone stumbles upon this and wants to comment on this list, or maybe provide one of their own--that'd be, well, awesome!

Rambling No. 2

So I am definitely addicted to blogging now, in just three days my life adopted this activity as if it'd always been there. I blame my mentor. My mentor is an amazing person who has made the unwitting mistake of offering to help me improve my slim chances of becoming a good writer. And so far we have spent our few meetings discussing all things writing, and has ignited an even stronger passion for these discussions than I had before, which has led me here. To this blog and now to this post. And so I have decided to exercise my need to talk about my writing and all pertaining to it into the abyss that is my readership. Enjoy, internet void!

Rambling No.1

First of all--it seems I'm already becoming addicted to this blogging business, and considering I have an addictive personality I'm not too surprised, though I am a bit concerned. I'm writing this one now, because I realize how negative...and well, whiny my first post sounded and feel the need to counteract that, and also explain myself.

It was really just one of those days...and I should not have written my first blog post yesterday. But the reason I felt it was necessary to discuss my grappling with editing the first draft of my manuscript is that it is so different from writing it, or writing anything. In the short period that I have been actively writing it has proven to be the highlight of any day, and I intended to treat editing the same way: put an hour or two aside every day to get some done. But editing is not nearly as fulfilling. With writing I'm creating, I'm telling myself a story. With editing I'm deconstructing the inner workings of my own story...which, if it were anyone else's I'd be having a blast, but as it is mine, it's mainly proving to be more work.

And like I said at the beginning of my first post, I had no expectations of it not being work, I just assumed it hide the hard part and seem more like fun, like writing does.

Regardless, I'm grateful to have something to be editing, and to those few, yet amazing, people who are helping me along the way.

On Editing

I knew self-editing would be hard. Don’t get me wrong—I work my ass off when I edit other people’s work, and I expected to have to work even harder on my own, considering I have the final say on everything.

I’ve never truly self-edited before. I didn’t really know how; the editing was always done on a sentence level, not the whole “does each sentence contribute to the rest of the story?” type of editing. Where you have to question each phrase and see if it contributes, if it does its job, or if it’s just tagging along for the ride. Because that’s what first drafts seem to be filled with: free loaders, just there to weigh the ride down and make it harder and longer to get to the end.

But sadly, the free loaders aren’t the problem, not even the half-good sentences that need to be polished, the real problem arises when the sentence is perfect. I use the word loosely here, and don’t really believe that anything I write is perfect. But I’m referring to a sentence that does its dual job, of being a sentence and carrying the rest of the story along, but you still spend more time looking at it and trying to make it better than you spend on the bad sentences. These moments are the perfect pause in the work for doubt to manifest itself.

It’s these instances when I wonder if I’m too tired to be working right then, if I’m going too easy on myself, if I still don’t know what I’m doing, if the rest of my 98,000 words are even worth it. This is when I put down the pen and pull out the highlighter and highlight the sentence, telling myself to go back to it or get a second opinion on it. But this happens more and more often now, and again I don’t know if it’s because I’m losing the momentum I started out with or if I had gained the momentum when I was writing these down, and the highlighted paragraphs are not, in fact, proof that I don’t know what I’m doing, but that I do.

What I need is a recording of the words “it’s fine, keep it.” So I can hit a button every time I get to one of these moments of doubt and just follow that advice and leave it. I will, in time come back to it, and when I do all that I’ll have accomplished is making the doubt return as I return to the highlighted sections. So the highlighter will be used more sparingly, if at all.

These positive thought work great in theory, and though I tell myself “it’s fine, keep it,” the doubt is still there, because I’m telling myself that it’s good, which, in my twisted mind, probably means it’s not.

I know the first sections of the story aren’t as good because I spent too much time obsessing over the language, and stretching every scene out just out of a fascination with watching the word count go up and up. 

So I know it’ll get easier as the story progresses, I just wish I could leave the good sentences be and spend more energy on the ones that need improving, and even more on the ones that need kicking out.